What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
