I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
