"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
