it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
