I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
