new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
