Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
