glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
