ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
