Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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