Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
