using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize