Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
