Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
