Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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