we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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