There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My life is pants optional.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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