No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
