Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
