just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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