I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
