stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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