You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
