And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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