This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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