well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
