she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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