I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
