I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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