Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
