I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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