The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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