Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do herpes really smell.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
