this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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