a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
