Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
