just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
