was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
