Do you still have your period?
my phone needs a breathalizer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
