she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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