The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
