I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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