Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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