I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
