His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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