The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
