So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
