People in love make me want to vomit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
