I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
