I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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