my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
