i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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