I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
is that a dick in a sweater?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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