I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
