Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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