Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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